Starring Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Javier
Bardem, Ralph Fiennes, Ben Whishaw, Naomie Harris, Bérénice Lim Marlohe, and
Albert Finney
Part
I: The Review
It’s
2012; colour me disappointed. All the big movies this year, the ones I’ve
championed for months prior to release – to the point of telling friends “this
is the only movie” – have let me down. The Dark Knight did not rise to the
occasion, Looper was sluggish and
ineffective, Taken 2 paled in
comparison to the original, and Prometheus
lit a mighty dull fire.
And now
the new Bond film, Skyfall, is a bit
too “whatever” for my liking – especially when you consider the unanimous critical praise it has received. Sweet
Jesus is this movie mediocre. Towards the end of its Titanic-esque runtime it had
me longing for the days of Pierce Brosnan’s para-ski-doos and CGI’ed
windsurfing antics.
Following
a yawn-inducing opening chase, less involving and mysterious than the one in The World is Not Enough, Bond is shot
and presumed dead while on mission in Istanbul. He goes underground. His target
escapes with a list of secret identities belonging to all MI6 agents serving
undercover in terrorist organisations. Ominous techno-terrorist Raoul Silva is
behind its theft and later commits shocking attacks on British soil that summon
Bond back from self-exile and into active duty.
Critics
and audiences went on bloody murder about Quantum
of Solace, which for my money is a better Bond movie than this. The action
set-pieces were more kinetic, invigorating, and energetically edited. The Bond
girls in Quantum felt like real
people, not ciphers used to expedite the plot before being discarded or lost in
the scenery. Most importantly, it felt like Bond was grappling with forces much
bigger than himself and still only seeing the tip of the iceberg (the enormity
of shadowy organisation “Quantum” is only alluded to). Plus Bond is so much
more of a devil-may-care badass in that one, dropping henchmen off roofs and
stranding key hostages in the middle of the desert as if giving a fuck just
wasn’t on the menu.
 |
| Oh, and because Olga Kurylenko is a goddess. |
Skyfall is lacklustre on almost every
proto-Bond movie front. It doesn’t have the globetrotting allure of previous
instalments. For all the praise Javier Bardem gets on his performance of baddie
Silva (which, I must admit, is pretty strong), his screen time is limited and
his dastardly plot is not very dastardly at all, nor is it executed with the
grandiose villainy that you’d expect of a legendary Bond nemesis. Silva is
merely okay.
Skyfall is also perplexingly being touted as the least
sexist Bond entry
to date, when really it is anything but. For fear of spoiling the movie, I’ll
say but this: every female in the film, true to 007 standards, is either less
competent than Bond at Bond-like activities or requires Bond to save her. In
other words, business as usual. The only difference is none of them wears a
bikini this time. Yay feminism.
To the
film’s credit, Roger Deakins’ photography is sublime (although such praise is
akin to dining at a five-star restaurant and saying “Wow! The food is really
good here!”) and Adele’s “Skyfall” is the best Bond title song since the Shirley
Bassey days. Pretty much everything else fizzles. Sub-plots are abruptly dropped, the movie is lined with characters that don’t matter, the action sequences
are not involving or suspenseful, and the villain is not nearly as scary as
he’s intended to be. On the whole, Sam Mendes’ directorial style is far too
detached and the entire production crew, much like Craig’s grizzled hero, seems
to have forgotten how much fun James Bond is supposed to be.
Part
II: The Future of Bond
Skyfall also marks the addition of recurring
characters Moneypenny (Naomie Harris), Garreth Mallory (Ralph Fiennes – who is
in top form, as always) and the re-introduction of the Q character (who, thank
fuck, is expertly played Ben Whishaw rather than the oafish, risible John
Cleese). Make no mistake, MGM is laying long-term groundwork for this
franchise, and with good reason: it makes a shit-ton of money. Daniel Craig has
overcome a lot of backlash and delivered a superb Bond over three films, but
all good things must come to an end. I reckon he still has two picture left in
him, as he’s in much better shape than any of his predecessors were at his age…
except maybe Roger Moore.
 |
| Who knew?? Right? |
So let’s
assume Dan exits stage left by 2016-2017; the Bond mantle will fall to another.
Who’ll it be?
Everybody’s
got their predictions, some better than others. It’s a shame that a lot of
strong contenders are from Craig’s generation, and will thus be well over the
hill by the time they recast the role. (I’m thinking of Dougray Scott, Gerry
Butler, and Eric Bana, primarily).
My
prediction is that they’ll find another Dalton, a more mature actor who’ll
crank out 2-3 pictures before calling it quits. With that in mind, my list
covers a broad age range, leading with the youngest at the probable start of
filming (I posit 2017). I’ve kept criteria from MGM’s previous selections in
mind, meaning likely candidates are from the UK and Oceania (I doubt they would
select a North American) and not huge, global film/franchise stars (as a clever friend recently pointed out to me, this gives the studio more leverage with their salary and contract).
Oliver
Jackson-Cohen
Age
(2017): 31
Nationality:
English
Best
known for: Killer in Faster
Pros:
Tall, dark, handsome, and unafraid of physically demanding roles, Jackson-Cohen
would be a strong choice. With popular support he could ably out-do Roger
Moore’s 12-year stint as Bond, and he has the acting chops to lend the
character the same gravitas as Craig did.
Cons:
My only concern is that he is too young and too handsome (seriously, this cat
is fucking gorgeous, people) for audiences to accept him as the lean, mean
soldier that Craig has created.
Chiwetel
Ejiofor
Age
(2017): 40
Nationality:
English
Best
known for: “Hey, it’s that guy from Love,
Actually!”
Pros:
He’d be my top contender were it not for the main con (below). He’s the appropriate
age, a handsome, charismatic, chameleonic actor, far enough below the radar,
and has proven, demonstrable ass-kicking ability from Serenity and Redbelt.
Con:
He’s black and the world may not be ready for a black
blockbuster star who isn’t Will Smith. And, seriously, fuck the world for
being that way because Chiwetel would be a fucking God among insects if it were
otherwise.
Jonathan
Rhys-Meyers
Age
(2017): 40
Nationality:
Irish
Best
known for: Being The King -- TV’s The
Tudors and playing Elvis (like a boss)
Pros: Back
in the mid-2000s, rumours circulated that a young gun named Jon Rhys-Meyers
would follow in Brosnan’s footsteps. Rhys-Meyers dismissed his chances of
playing Bond, at the time saying he was too young but, given the chance, he’d
be thrilled to.
Well,
13 years later he may get that chance. I realise that the fresh-faced, slender
Irishman would be a dark horse in this category, but he has the looks, the wit,
and the resume to hold down the saga for at least a few pictures.
Cons:
He doesn’t have the rugged, square-jawed masculinity or the sultry baritone
that we’ve come to associate with Bond.
Andrew
Lincoln
Age
(2017): 44
Nationality:
English
Best
known for: “Hey, it’s that other guy from Love,
Actually!”
Pros:
Yep, he and Chiwetel fought for Keira Knightley in Love, Actually and now they’re fighting over the coveted 007 title
in Boozy Movie Chronicles. Whooda thunk it?
Lincoln
is suave and, not unlike Craig, has a fierce intelligence behind those pale
blue eyes. Currently a small-town sheriff/expert zombie killer on AMC’s
phenomenal The Walking Dead,
Lincoln’s TV contract will likely be up around the time Bond is recast.
Cons: Granted,
the rather slight, 5’10” Brit would have to bulk up for the role,
but crazier things have happened. (Anyone remember Adrian Brody in Predators? Holy fucknuggets.)
His
hairline also can’t recede much farther if he has any hopes of landing Bond and
his increasingly high-profile TV performance as a Southern lawman might put him
out of the running.
Karl
Urban
Age
(2017): 45
Nationality:
Kiwi
Best
known as: Star Trek's Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Sure,
he’ll be 45 but he’s the motherfuckin Law. Try thinking of a movie where
Karl Urban doesn’t rule shit. Oh, wait, that’s right: there is none. This cat
comes within inches of pwning Jason Bourne TWICE, which places him on a short
list of 21st century King Badasses in my books.
Cons: We’ve
only seen a non-UK Bond once and only for one picture. Again, the world may
still not be ready. Also, as a sex symbol he is really an acquired taste (but
then again so was Daniel Craig).
His Star Trek appearances don't seem to be getting him typecast, but in the next few years he may become too well-known and bankable a star for the Bond role.
Guy
Pearce
Age
(2017): 50
Nationality:
English/Australian
Best known
for: Being the pre-eminent character actor of his generation
Pros:
Pearce looks remarkably good for his age and, as this year’s Lockout showed us, he is still in
phenomenal shape. His versatility as an actor would also mean that he could
take the role in any direction and do so convincingly.
Cons: Starting
at age 50 he would likely only do 2 movies and, more importantly, he probably
has zero interest in the role.
Got thoughts on who the next Bond could be? Leave them below.
